Mutant Mint from Mars

Back in the day, I spent a summer working on Long Island. Driving around, I saw a series of the most humongous mint plants I had ever seen. They were straight and 7-8 feet tall! The horrors! Mutants! Which is actually true. They were near a reactor that had an "oopsie" with tritiated water the previous year.

Now, before visions of cartoon purple daisies rising up from the earth and using roots as legs and leaves as hand to come squash humanity are conjured up, let us remember that the true threat does not come from atomic zombie mint. No, mint is more likely to sufficate you, or more accurately, your garden.

Mint is a spreading plant, like several other herbs. In fact, in some locations, thyme is used as an alternative to grass. Herbs like to take over gardens. And mint is a prime example. Not only does it send out runners and eagerly reseed, but when the stalks get too tall and fall over, they put down new roots.

Several years ago, after that summer on Long Island and when I was still living at home, my dad let me have a small patch for an herb garden in an area that didn't grow much of anything. So, I picked up a pot of oregano, which behaved itself. And I splurged and bought a "fancy" pot of chocolate mint. $2.49, big spender there. I think the thought behind it was as cheap, natural breath freshner. The mint spread. The mint came back the next year, and the following years. My dad pulled out of the ground constantly as it reseeded endlessly. Finally, my dad gave up and is now using it as ground cover around his young spruce trees.

So, every time I think about planting decorative herbs, I remember that mint plant. The moral. Be very, very careful when you plant herbs. You might end up with more than you could ever use...

True story about radiation and gardens: My mom still likes to tell about the summer after the accident at Three Mile Island nuclear plant. The flowers were bigger and showier and the most brilliant display ever.